Serious Advice

Kids...... today I will teach you how to get drunk and by that I mean totally smashed so as to not be able to remember what happened to you during those hours. Firstly you will need to take some necessary steps before "putting a major booze session". No sharp objects around. No loose footwear(especially chappals or sandals....ever wondered why there are single pieces of the fore mentioned footwear lying on the road.....here is the answer). Next, no wrist watch. Always drink out of a plastic cup. Make sure nobody has a camera around so that they dont take pics of you when you' re making an ass out of yourself. Better yet, get the camera person smashed.



Now lets talk business. Firstly, the golden rule, know your limit and do not stop there. Its the biggest mistake one does, which, if otherwise would mean that we would be in an utopian world.

Next, always mix and this advice, kids is not only in life or parties but is gold even when it comes to alcohol. And I mean not in tuity fruity "oo!! look at me I am drinking stuff with umbrellas in it" kinda cocktaily way but in a manly (disclaimer - me not an MCP) way. Something like beer with vodka for starters. This is an awesome drink where u chug half a bottle of beer (500ml bottles) and then fill it up with 60ml vodka. Then James bond style "shaken not stirred" the bottle. This is for beginners.

For the kids in "mittelstrufe" another good concoction is single malt whiskey with vodka. 60ml of whiskey with 60ml vodka just topped with some sweet drink to blunt the bitterness. Believe me this drink is lethal and it fuckin kills you. You will wake up the next day with your clothes dirty and your socks missing and no way in hell will you figure out what exactly happened. But the major advantage here is you will talk to smokin hot chicks who if you were sober wouldnt have even had the "eier" to talk to them. Ofcourse you will end up more spitting than talking, but in your head you will be thinking you're fuckin Stephen Hawking's cousin.

The next and the most dangerous mix is vodka with absynth. Now this absynth alone has been nemesis to many a people. Now mix it vodka and boy!! its a fuckin killer. But hell!! it kicks you in the hypothetical gonads so hard that you will wish you would rather stand in the way of a fired canon ball. But my advise here is please drink this in the confines of your house or a that of a friends otherwise there is high probability that you might end on the next flight to Antarctica.

Anyway kids lastly keep in mind this famous quote by the one and only Homer Simpson "Alcohol is the cause of and solution to any problem" and to that i would like to add "Prost".
(Disclaimer: Author is not an alcoholic and in no way is encouraging anybody to drink although they are the biggest losers if they dont)